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Getting Divorced? Self-Care During the Holidays
by Jody Comins, Divorce and Family Mediator
Wednesday Oct 30, 2019

Let's talk about the holidays- if you are going through a divorce, the holidays can be an emotional time for you. Whether it's your first year without your kids, or the 10th year without them, it's difficult to face the holidays alone.

If it's the first year you may be feeling isolated and alone. You might worry that your kids are going to miss you. Preparation is key.

Here are 10 tips for spending the holidays alone:

  • If you won't have your kids with you, ask your family to alert other guests so you don't have to answer over and over about where they are- or have your Aunt Alice say, "Aren't you lucky to have a kid- free day!"
  • Bring your own car. If it gets too emotional for you, you can leave.
  • Have 3 friends on speed- dial; they will be your lifeline if you need support.
  • Set up a time to talk or text with your kids so they know you're thinking of them while you are separate.
  • Have a plan- don't stay home and have a pity party.
  • Make sure you ask for support from friends and family- think about what it is that YOU need.
  • Take care of yourself- go for a walk, a run, a yoga class, watch the game, or read a book.
  • Sign up for the local turkey-trot- you can walk or run but you'll see lots of people.
  • 3 words — Black Friday Shopping.
  • Volunteer at a soup kitchen.

    If you have a friend or family member going through a divorce, you can offer support in many ways. Reach out and let them know you understand this is a difficult time for them and ask what you can do to help. Feel free to join your friend for any of the activities listed above. And the best thing you can do is be a good listener- try not to offer advice and just listen.

    Jody Comins is a mentor for volunteer mediators in the Norfolk Probate and Family Court and a court approved facilitator for the required Parent Education program. She is a teacher at The Divorce Center's Parents Apart program. More articles are featured on her website: divorcemediationabetterway.com.

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